We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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