Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
