And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I need moral support for this bender
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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