1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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