Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
