Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The Olympian is in my bed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
