well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm bleeding and have questions
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