The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
