of course. lets lasso hookers.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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