Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
