I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
