C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
