Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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