The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
