dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
