Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
