Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
