Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
