once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
