Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
