Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
