Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
