she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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