I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
