Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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