Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
