this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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