At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
