you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
