I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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