dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
