I'm really into asian looking animals
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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