Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
