The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
