Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
