How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
