You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
