i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
