The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think your dad took our porno
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
