i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My dick has a subreddit
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
