i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
