I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I pour the whiskey from now on
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
