Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
