I've blown a few things in my day
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
