You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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