Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
