I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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