But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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