If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
