Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
