he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
