how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
