They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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